A Los Anthropolocos Project LOS ANTHROPOLOCOS NEW DIGS AT MISSION VIEJO:
IN SEARCH OF THE COLORLESS HANDS.
The following are synopsis of the six theories that Dr. Sanchez and Dr. Lou of the Anthroplogy Department at Aztlan University have developed after 7 years of research into the mind boggling findings from Dig Site # 7A33.
THEORY 1 PROSTHETICS AESTHETICS ENTERING THE REALM OF POPULAR CULTURE:
In 1995, coinciding with the demise of the Colorless Empire, the newest craze was for the Colorless to sever their left hand. One handedness or "Asymmetry" as it was called by poipular culture psychologists, of the era, was considered desirable and even attractive. This fad was preceded by the "The Bobbitt Pork Chop" where a woman would sever a mans penis and would try to hit a 4' X 4' target from a speeding car. However this should not be confused witht eh "Tomahawk Chop" of 1992.
THEORY 2 RACIAL PARADOX AS SEXUAL TRIGGER:
A Chicano collector of the weird and bizarre named Freddy "El Dahmer Prieto" Jimenez, covertly stole hands from many of the Colorless mummies in the collections of various major Chicano anthropology museums. It is widely believed that he used them as sexual fetishes. Before his death and racked with guilt, it is also believed that he buried his grisly sex toys throughout Naranja County, Califas. Though the authorities were never able to convict him of the museum robberies, he did spend 23 months in the Lou Diamond Phillips Hospital for the criminally insane for impersonating Jodie Foster.
THEORY 3 SELF-MUTILATION AS SOCIAL/POLITICAL EXPRESSION:
In the early stages of United Aztlan's nationhood, a small band of the Colorless cut off their left hands in protest to their loss of power. It was also an attempt to reinforce their identification with the working clas and in defiance of the Chicano power elite.
THEORY 4 CRIMINAL INTENT BECOMES A SOCAL IDENTIFIER
A large numver of Colorless created a grisly welfare scam. They would sever one of their hands in order to qualify for disability money. This tactic, though extreme, aptly reflected their social profile which characterized them as notoriously lazy. This is a trait for which they should not be blamed for as individuals, particularly since their culture did not value work nor did it encourage ambition or initiative.
